As parents of two Bethlehem College graduates, we were asked to address the parents of new students during orientation week. Our topic had two themes: parenting college-aged children and facing the concerns of our children being students in an inner-city context.
We have five adult children, three of whom live in the Twin Cities area. We live in Phillips neighborhood, Minneapolis, just south of the downtown district, but we are transplants. Neither of us grew up in a large city, nor did our children. I (Mike) grew up in rural western New York, surrounded by wooded lots and dairy farms. I (Leeanne) grew up in Traverse City, Michigan—an idyllic vacation destination. Neither of us would have ever imagined living in the inner city let alone enjoying it. Our babies came along while we lived in both our hometowns, but they spent most of their growing up years in St. Ignace, Michigan, where Mike pastored a small-town church. To say the least, the move to Phillips in 2019 was a drastic change for us.
Our Experience with College-Aged Children
Just as when they were young, each one of our adult children is different, with their own interests, strengths, and life trajectories. There is no one-size-fits-all advice we can share.
Raising children entails a steady growth in granting freedom and responsibility. Their college years can be a challenge because that transition is so tangible. We experienced many tears along with great joys…five times over. While they were growing up, we had to learn to let them struggle and even fail—for their good. But as college students, their struggles felt more monumental to us, and yet we had even less ability to rescue them.
There were many times we wanted to give advice or help, but we learned it was best to wait for them to ask. A difficult lesson—because we failed in it often—was to listen to them and discuss matters with them as adults, especially when they questioned or challenged our viewpoints. As hard as it was to admit in the moment, we didn’t need to win the argument.
We loved providing a safe, steady place to which they could come home. Preparing their favorite foods, getting their room ready, and planning for family time was a comfort after missing them for months at a time. We all had a bit of adjustment to their time back at home as they settled in, slept until Noon, talked, and ate a lot of food! We loved to hear how they were being challenged in their thinking, creating memories with friends, and how the Lord was using professors, books, and spiritual mentors to help them deal with hard realities and spur them on to maturity.
It was also a chance to encourage them to persevere. Each of our kids have had seasons when they felt overwhelmed. Sometimes it was phone calls at late hours when they said, “I just can’t do this.” Other times, while home on breaks, they’d express feelings of failure or not being up for the task. Being able to give them encouragement, edit papers, and listen to their ideas…these were important conversations.
Students and Inner-City Living
Back in our small town, we didn’t lock the car doors—or even the house door at times! Our daughters’ lives would be very different in Minneapolis. They would need to regularly tune their minds to safety and security.
As parents, we found the Bethlehem community very supportive and helpful in communicating how to live wisely in the city. We experienced this from our first interactions with faculty and staff when we arrived at the college their freshman year. We saw the girls quickly making friends with like-minded freshmen and older students ready to help. By the time we drove away, they had already met professors and staff members who would be an involved and consistent part of their lives in Minneapolis.
There is no denying the harsh realities plainly apparent in our neighborhood: homelessness, drug abuse, crime, and much brokenness. But there are good things here, too, that one can only experience in the city: neighbors from a wide variety of backgrounds, opportunities for service, conversation, and cultural experience. All together, both the challenges and the benefits stretch students’ horizons, making them wise in ways not otherwise possible. There is great value in living here—much to gain, much to give.
Above all, what gave us the greatest peace of mind was our confidence in the Lord. He has called Bethlehem Baptist Church and Bethlehem College and Seminary to this place. Both organizations have made deliberate decisions through the years to stay and be firmly planted here. The Lord continues to lead young men and women, along with their parents, to choose this school. All this is in, and from, God’s sovereign hand and for his glory.
Mike (M.Div. ’23) & Leeanne Lane
Mike serves as the Executive Pastor at Bethlehem Baptist Church; Leeanne serves on the leadership team for Seminary Wives at Bethlehem College and Seminary.
Prayer Requests:
- Pray for the parents of our students as they shepherd their children during the college years.
- Pray for our students as they settle into life, study, and ministry rhythms.
- Pray for those speaking at and attending Godward Life.
- Pray for the full funding of The Serious Joy Scholarships needed for this academic year.